A Soft Place to Lank, When Minds are Changed
During a recent Field Team meeting, we talked about how we might change the way we interact with people who see things differently than we do—you know, those on the other side of the aisle.
In our group, we often talk openly (behind closed doors) about the frustrations and challenges of those interactions. But during this conversation we tried to go deeper. We asked ourselves whether the way we respond sometimes causes people to dig their heels in even further—or worse, whether it leaves them feeling like they have nowhere to go if they ever begin to question the leaders or beliefs they have followed for years.
People say that liberals are really hard on those on the other side, they say hurtful things, including, “you can’t really be a Christian and vote for Trump.” I understand that voting for Trump said to us that their beliefs must be so far from ours to be repelling, even inexcusable. I get it, but we are all human. We want everyone to be treated with dignity and kindness – so let’s lead with that idea. Let’s be kind and welcoming.
One idea that resonated with us was the concept of creating a “soft place to land” for people who change their minds.
What would that look like?
Imagine for a moment what it must feel like for someone who begins to realize that the leaders they trusted and the political community they belonged to may not actually care about them after all. The people they stood beside for years—the friends they made, the voices they followed—may not have been looking out for them after all.
That realization must be what, sad? Lonely? Frustrating? Mad?
If someone has spent years repeating the rhetoric of that group, they may have pushed away people who actually share many of their values—neighbors, family members, or coworkers. I know I have lost friends and started seeing people I thought I knew in a different way. The language of politics can create walls that make us feel like we have nothing in common, even when that isn’t really true.
So when someone begins to question those beliefs, they may find themselves standing in a very uncomfortable place. They may feel embarrassed. They may feel uncertain. And they may wonder if anyone on the “other side” would ever accept them.
It must be scary. And sad.
Recently, I had a conversation with a lifelong Republican who is now in her 90s. She paused for a moment and considered whether she would vote for Trump again. But ultimately she said she couldn’t imagine being anything other than a Republican. That identity has been part of her life for decades.
Moments like that remind me how difficult it can be to reconsider beliefs that have shaped who we think we are.
So the question becomes: Who do we need to be today for the people in our lives who may someday begin asking those questions?
I believe we start by listening more, being less judgmental and with an open heart.
We ask thoughtful questions. We invite people to share their experiences and how they came to believe what they believe. Instead of responding with anger or dismissal—even when their words make our skin crawl—we try to keep the door open.
We might say something like:
“Comments like that are hard for me to hear because they move us further apart. Can you help me understand how you came to believe that?”
When people are given space to talk, they often begin to think more deeply about their own beliefs. And when we listen with kindness, an open heart and curiosity instead of judgment, we keep the relationship intact.
At the end of the day, all of us are searching for community. We want to feel that we belong somewhere.
I often hear people at protests say, “It feels so good to be here with all of these like‑minded people. It makes me feel less alone.”
What if we remembered that feeling when we interact with those who see things differently than we do?
What if we made sure that if someone begins to question what they’ve believed for years—maybe even for most of their life—they know there is somewhere they can go.
A place where they won’t be shamed.
A place where they will be welcomed.
A place where they can land.
The Field Team is engaged in creating spaces and opportunities to talk across the isle and equipping us to have those conversations.
If you would like to be a part of the Field Team, please reach out to us by emailing lknindivisible@gmail.com using the subject line – Field Team. We’d love to have you.