When I used to talk with my sister, our conversations could be really hard.
She would say things like,
“I can’t vote for Hillary because she’s the head of a prostitution ring.”
Later it was,
“I can’t vote for anyone who supports abortion—no reason is good enough.”
And when I posted something on Facebook about my heartbreak over family separations, she told me she agreed with separating families.
That one stopped me.
My sister has 16 grandchildren—all by one was adopted through the foster system. They are brown, Black, and white—a beautiful rainbow of children. She is an incredible grandmother.
And she believed that separating children from their families was okay.
I didn’t know how to hold both of those truths at the same time.
So I blocked her on Facebook.
I had to choose— I could be her sister, or I could be her Facebook friend.
But I couldn’t be both.
After that, we talked less. When we did, it was civil—but careful. Surface-level.
Then I started the Field Team.
And I began reading, listening, and learning a different way of showing up in conversations. Not a way to fix or convince—but a way to understand. Or at least… to try. Seeing the other side as human – made me more human. I felt a shift. My heart softened.
I haven’t gone back into those political conversations yet—if I’m being honest, I’ve been a little afraid to. (And maybe a little hopeful that something has shifted for her, too—but I haven’t asked.)
But something in me has changed.
Seeing her as not “the other” I am reminded of why I love her so much.
She is funny.
She is deeply, fiercely devoted to her grandchildren.
She listens to them, shows up for them, defends them, celebrates them.
If you asked any one of them, they would tell you—she loves them without hesitation.
We share the same values.
Somewhere along the way, we just ended up in very different places.
And instead of writing her off…
I want to stay.
I want to stay in the relationship.
I want to stay open.
I want to try again—when the moment is right.
Because I know this:
The way I showed up before was not helpful. It was hurtful.
And now, I’m trying to approach that differently.
Not because I suddenly agree.
But because I care more about the relationship than being right in the moment.
I want humanity and kindness to win.
And I want to be someone who contributes to that—not someone who shuts the door.
My uncle recently passed away, and I’ll be visiting my sister soon.
This time, I’m not going to avoid her.
I’m going to show up.
I’m going to open the door.
And I’m going to see what’s possible—with a different heart.
If you have had conversations that make things worse and are ready to learn something new, sign up to hear more about a six-session experience where we will practice having conversations that could actually change things.
https://www.mobilize.us/indivisiblelakenorman/event/929640
In solidarity,
Cristy Carroll